The Quiet War

Truth be told, I'm not sure how I wound up with The Quiet War by Paul McAuley.

Well, that's not entirely true. I know I bought this at Barnes and Noble, and the more I thought about it, I think it went something like this: I was prowling the new sci-fi and fantasy books and saw the sequel to this book, namely Gardens of the Sun. The cover of said sequel caught my attention and the back cover copy piqued my interest. But once I realized it was a sequel, I tracked down the first book so I could read things in order. At least, that's how I think I wound up with this book in my to-be-read pile. It's been there for a couple of months now, so I can't be sure anymore. I think I ultimately bought it to assuage my mounting guilt over my narrow reading list. I had stuck myself into a niche, mostly Christian speculative fiction or authors I knew I enjoyed and I wanted to stretch my legs and see what else is out there.

At any rate, I finally pulled it out of the stack and started reading. This book is set several centuries in the future, after some sort of great cataclysm, one that begins as an ecological disaster and swiftly turns into a revamping of society at all levels. The inhabitants of this future Earth call this event the Overturn. Human society diverged along two paths. Those left on Earth have turned to radical environmentalism. Led by "green saints," they seek to reverse as much ecological damage as they can. Other humans have migrated, first to Mars, then tot he moons of Jupiter and Saturn, seeking freedom and autonomy to live their lives as they want. These Outers have engaged in radical genetic engineering, reshaping humanity not only to better survive this harsh environment, but also to express their creativity.

For some reason, this divergent path has upset a number of people on Earth, mostly the government of Greater Brazil, one of the three major superpowers. They've decided that the Outers have gone too far and have to be brought to heel. So they begin preparations for a quiet war, one that will reunite all of humanity under their ideals and beliefs.

It's pretty easy to tell that McAuley had a blast with his worldbuilding. There's a great deal of depth to his "future history" and how these futuristic cultures function. I was a bit unclear of how Roman Catholicism came to include a fourth deity, namely Gaia, or even if it truly did, but there you go. It's also clear that McAuley did a lot of research on genetic engineering and environmental reclamating. Or, if he didn't, he certainly figured out a way to sound like he did.

But that right there is part of the problem with this book. There were times when McAuley's technobabble overflowed and overwhelmed the book. Part of this is because many of the characters were engaged in gene wizardry, but I'm not sure that their overtly technical discourses helped the overall flow of the story.

I also felt fairly disconnected from the story as well, partially because McAuley chose to tell it from a more omniscient point of view. We never really settled in anyone's head, so to speak, and as a result I often felt as though I was being kept at arm's length from the action. That's my opinion; other people might enjoy McAuley's style and not be put off by it.

There were several times when I almost stopped reading this book because, as fascinating as the premise was, it never really seemed to take off. We skimmed over the surface of the conflict, the motivations for this quiet war never really seemed to take off. What ultimately kept me reading were the little things, the oddities that McAuley included within the stories. Jibril the cosmo angel, the Ghosts who believe they're guided by their future selves, the almost anarchic democracy practiced by the Outers, these little details and more like them kept me reading, almost making up for the book's overall deficits.

I originally got this book because I was interested in reading its sequel. Having read The Quiet War, though, I think the sequel is going to remain unread.

A Fool for Christ

I just read this interesting article on Manute Bol. I was unaware of his philanthropic efforts nor what motivated them. I am ashamed that I didn't know this information earlier.

Would that everyone who wears big gold crosses match their supposed faith with similar acts of service.

What Video Games Can Teach the Movies

A few weeks ago on Entertainment Weekly's website, I saw this article by Darren Franich. In it, he comes up with three lessons that Hollywood could learn from the video game industry. Rather than repost it all, I leave it to you to click on the link and read it for yourself. Don't worry. I'll wait.

So what do you think? I've often thought that there's quite a bit that video games can teach your average writers about craft. I've even thought of posting blog entries on my ruminations or even writing an article or two for Writer's Digest. FPSes can teach us about immersion in a story. RPGs teach us about both character development and heightening the challenges of the story. I've got half a lecture written in the back of my brain about how PopCap's so-called "casual games" can teach us about conflict in a story. And there's a whole lesson about how much backstory to load into a book that can be learned from the Half Life franchise.

Just sharing some Saturday morning thoughts. Have a great weekend!

Smurfs? Really?

Now this is not the first time I've heard about this project. I've heard that Neil Patrick Harris is going to play Gargamel. Katy Perry will be the voice of Smurfette. But this trailer does not inspire confidence:



And folks in Hollywood wonder why they're not making as much money anymore.

Super Mario Violin

Further proof that videogames are infiltrating every strata of society. Here's a classical violinist playing Super Mario Brothers music in realtime. Including sound effects.

CSFF Blog Tour: Imaginary Jesus Day Three

Okay, so here we are, day three of our tour around Imaginary Jesus by Matt Mikalatos. And I'm actually a bit nervous. In my first day's post, I promised I would delve into a point where my theological beliefs diverge from Mikalatos's. Apparently a few people are looking forward to seeing what my beef will be, including the Blog Tour Overlord (gulp) and the author of the book (gasp).

Well, if you're looking for a knock-down, drag out theological ker-fluffle, worthy of at least a boxcar race down a hill if not a full on inner tube race down a mountain (can you tell what part of this book I really liked?), you're probably going to be disappointed. My disagreement has absolutely nothing to do with the overall underpinning of the book (as yesterday's post should indicate; I've preached sermons with similar themes). Instead, it was an incidental item toward the end of the book. And, having said that, I have to break out Godzilla:


Toward the end of the story, Matt is chased by a horde of imaginary Jesuses of every shape, size, and kind. They spill out of a bookstore and chase Matt into a prayer labyrinth, where he loses most of them. He proceeds through the labyrinth until he finds the Virgin Mary and Pete celebrating Holy Communion. Mary reminisces about her life as the mother of the Real Jesus and, after listening to her stories and communing, Matt moves on toward the book's climax and ultimate fulfillment.

Mikalatos makes the good point that communion hasn't always been celebrated the way it is now, what with individual wafers, little plastic cups, and so on. But he seems to connect the true meaning of communion with the "sitting around and reminiscing" business that Mary does. And that's when I got a little upset. Not angry, not disappointed. I mean, I should expect this sort of thing. Before we move on, though, I need to issue another alert:


I'm a staunch Lutheran (goes with the job) and we have a slightly different understanding of what "doing this in remembrance of Me" means. And it all relates back to Holy Communion's roots, namely Passover. Simply put, "remembering" was (and still is) a loaded term when it comes to the Passover.

In a section of the Passover liturgy called the b'chol dor v'dor, participants are reminded of the following:

In every generation each individual is bound to regard himself as if he personally had gone forth from Egypt, as it is said: "And thou shalt relate to thy son that day, saying, this is on account of what the Eternal did for me, when I went forth from Egypt." It was not our ancestors alone whom the Most Holy, blessed be He, redeemed from Egypt, but us also did He redeem with them, as it is said: "And He brought us from thence, in order to bring us in, that He might give us the land which He sware unto our fathers."

It's not just within the haggadah that we see this. Deuteronomy 26:1-10 includes a similar theme:

When you have entered the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance and have taken possession of it and settled in it, take some of the firstfruits of all that you produce from the soil of the land the LORD your God is giving you and put them in a basket. Then go to the place the LORD your God will choose as a dwelling for his Name and say to the priest in office at the time, "I declare today to the LORD your God that I have come to the land the LORD swore to our forefathers to give us." The priest shall take the basket from your hands and set it down in front of the altar of the LORD your God. Then you shall declare before the LORD your God: "My father was a wandering Aramean, and he went down into Egypt with a few people and lived there and became a great nation, powerful and numerous. But the Egyptians mistreated us and made us suffer, putting us to hard labor. Then we cried out to the LORD, the God of our fathers, and the LORD heard our voice and saw our misery, toil and oppression. So the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, with great terror and with miraculous signs and wonders. He brought us to this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey; and now I bring the firstfruits of the soil that you, O LORD, have given me." Place the basket before the LORD your God and bow down before him.

Notice the pronoun shift. The worshiper first talks about his ancestor, but then quickly shifts to talking about how the Egyptians oppressed him and how he cried out to the Lord. In other words, for the children of Israel, remembering wasn't just recalling facts or stories from the past. It implies participation. Active participation.

It's within this context that Jesus commanded His followers to "do this in remembrance of Me." To me, this implies more than just recalling stories about Jesus. It implies more than just remembering (in a 21st century sort of way) that we are saved or how it happened. Given the overall context and loaded meaning of "remembering" in terms of the Passover, Jesus' call to remember means that, by participating in the Eucharist, we also participate in Him. His life, His death, His resurrection. We don't remember something that happened to someone else. We become participants in the salvation plan through our eating and drinking.

This is an outgrowth of my Lutheran understanding of Holy Communion. We Lutherans don't see communion as a symbolic anything. Instead, we take Jesus at His word, that "This is My Body, this is My Blood," that Christ's body and blood are in, with, and under the bread and wine, given and shed for us for our forgiveness. We obtain this forgiveness through the remembrance (in the b'chol sort of way) of Jesus, by becoming participants in what He did.

Now I assumed that Matt Mikalatos doesn't come from the same theological background as me. That much was obvious from the chapter in question. And no, I wouldn't expect him to express this kind of beliefs if he didn't hold to them. But this, in a nutshell, is why I had a small issue with the theology in this book.

That doesn't negate how great this book is. Like I said in my first day's post, I did recommend this book to my congregation members. But I also trust that their Lutheran fuzzbusters will go off a little when they reach Chapter 35 as mine did.

Go and see what the other tourists have to say:

Brandon Barr
Keanan Brand
Grace Bridges
Beckie Burnham
Valerie Comer
R. L. Copple
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Andrea Graham
Tori Greene
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Julie
Carol Keen
Krystine Kercher
Dawn King
Leighton
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Donita K. Paul
Crista Richey
Chawna Schroeder
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Phyllis Wheeler
KM Wilsher

CSFF Blog Tour: Imaginary Jesus Day Two

John Calvin once stated, "The human heart is a factory of idols." Hitting a little closer to my neck of the woods, Martin Luther wrote this in his Large Catechism:

A god means that from which we are to expect all good and to which we are to take refuge in all distress, so that to have a God is nothing else than to trust and believe Him from the [whole] heart; as I have often said that the confidence and faith of the heart alone make both God and an idol. If your faith and trust be right, then is your god also true; and, on the other hand, if your trust be false and wrong, then you have not the true God; for these two belong together, faith and God. That now, I say, upon which you set your heart and put your trust is properly your god.

The reason why I brought out the big guns today is because it coincides with Matt Mikalatos's book, Imaginary Jesus. Let's take it from the beginning.

Calvin's statement is pretty self-explanatory. Human beings can turn just about anything into an idol. We've seen this happen down through the years. Luther tried to get at the heart of what a "god" really is. Your god is what you trust in most. Your god is thing you think of first and foremost when the going gets tough. Your god is where you ultimately derive your identity, security, and joy. Properly speaking, the question we should be asking people is not, "Do you have a god?" It's "What is your god?" Because everyone has one. And FYI, this is why I don't believe in atheism. I'm not trying to be flip. Everyone has a god. But they don't all look like this:



They can also look like this:



Or like this:



Or any of these:







Okay, maybe not that last one so much, but you get the idea. We humans can and do turn just about anything into our gods at the drop of a hat.

But we Christians face an even more insidious temptation. It's to reverse the way creation works. Rather than remember that we are created in God's image, we try to recreate God (and Jesus) in our own image. We assume that God is just like us. He has the same likes and dislikes. He has the same pet peeves. He would drive the same kind of car as us. He would vote the way we do on election day. In my case, I would envision a God who drives a spacious Oldsmobile for the legroom, who would cheer on the Vikings every fall, and who would reveal that Pepsi was originally created by the Devil himself. The God we invent often turns out to be just a fun house mirror reflection of ourselves.

And that's truly insidious, because that kind of imaginary Jesus can wreck a person's faith. A Jesus that is basically a copy of myself won't object if I sin (because he'll agree with me that it's not a big deal). A Jesus that is a copy of me will be on the hook if he doesn't jump when I say bounce in my prayers. A Jesus that is just a copy of me is the the subservient one, there when I want him to be and respectfully absent when I don't.

In short, it mixes up the relationship between us and God. It puts us in the driver's seat and God in the trunk. It's a First Commandment issue (no matter how you number your commandments). And that's why it's vital that we do our best to keep the fake God's, the twisted reflections, out of our lives. That's why we should focus on getting to know the real Jesus.

It's part of the reason why I really liked this book. And I'm not just saying that because I've preached sermons with similar themes (although my sermons usually aren't this funny).

Go and see what the other tourists have to say:

Brandon Barr
Keanan Brand
Grace Bridges
Beckie Burnham
Valerie Comer
R. L. Copple
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Andrea Graham
Tori Greene
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Julie
Carol Keen
Krystine Kercher
Dawn King
Leighton
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Donita K. Paul
Crista Richey
Chawna Schroeder
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Phyllis Wheeler
KM Wilsher

CSFF Blog Tour: Imaginary Jesus Day One

So just imagine. You're at your favorite communist restaurant, sitting at a table with Jesus. He's wearing his usual robes and listening to his iPod. That's when a fishy-smelling man walks in. He introduces himself as Pete, a fellow Christian.

And then he punches Jesus.

Jesus takes off running (can you blame him?). You're shocked, horrified really. Why would a Christian try to knock Jesus out of his sandals? Pete explains that Jesus isn't really Jesus, he's an imaginary Jesus. A fake. Pete wants you to go on a trip to find and meet the real Jesus. But first you have to track down that phony.

That's the opening of Matt Mikalatos's book, Imaginary Jesus, the "sort-of true story" where Matt goes on a strange journey. It takes him through time, both his own lifetime and two thousand years ago. He encounters a talking donkey theologian. He engages in a philosophical debate carried out via inner tuber race down a mountain. There's an army of fake Jesuses who are all desperate to be Matt's Jesus. And always one step ahead is Matt's Imaginary Jesus, avoiding capture. Avoiding identification.

If you're left scratching your head, wondering, "What kind of crazy book is this?" you've hit on what makes this book great. It is a crazy book. A weirdly, wonderfully bizarre story with a fantastic point (which I'll delve into a bit more tomorrow). Mikilatos does a great job unmasking many of the imaginary Jesuses who lurk in contemporary American Christianity. My personal favorite was 8-ball Jesus, whose name is pretty self-explanatory.

What's really great about this story is that, as off-the-wall as it is, there's still a truthful ring to it. It's easy to see the seams, so to speak, where Mikilatos sewed on the oddities to his own life's story. There was some raw emotions in there, but they were grounded and down to Earth, more so than the supposed backstory of The Shack. It resonated with me more, but that might be because I saw echoes of my own journey in it.

Now there were a few points where I disagreed with the theology of this book (I'm saving one of the "big ones" for Wednesday). But when you come right down to it, this is a great read and certain to get you laughing. Well, if not that, then definitely it'll give you a lot to think about. I've already recommended that my congregation check this book out. I suggest you do the same.

Go see what the other tourists have to say:

Brandon Barr
Keanan Brand
Grace Bridges
Beckie Burnham
Valerie Comer
R. L. Copple
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Andrea Graham
Tori Greene
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Julie
Carol Keen
Krystine Kercher
Dawn King
Leighton
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Donita K. Paul
Crista Richey
Chawna Schroeder
Rachel Starr Thomson
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Phyllis Wheeler
KM Wilsher

The Old Republic latest trailer

I used to be a horrible MMORPG junkie. I've played Star Wars Galaxies from beta through to the live launch. Then I moved on to City of Heroes. And I spent a while in World of Warcraft with my wife. We finally gave up the habit due to finances and time constraints, but I have to admit, there are times when I get the urge to subscribe and start playing again. It usually passes pretty quickly.

If there's one new game coming out that could tempt me to go back, it could be The Old Republic. First of all, it's a Star Wars game, and I have a soft spot for those. Second, it's developed by BioWare, and they have a great track record with RPGs. And third, it's a Star Wars game developed by BioWare, a combination that has worked well in the past.

And then there are the trailers. I posted one last year. Well, I just watched the latest trailer and I bring it to my faithful if scant flock readers now:



Now I know that the graphics will never be at this level. Neither will the action. And based on this article, I'm not jumping up and down with excitement at the prospect of returning to that galaxy far, far away.

But I'll surely be tempted. That is certain.

Voyage of the Dawn Treader Trailer

Yesterday I enthused about the upcoming release of Portal 2. That's not the only sequel I'm excited about. This one has me smiling too:

The Cake Is Still a Lie

This has me excited. Nay, this has me most excited. A few days ago at E3, Valve revealed new details of the up-coming Portal 2. Some of it didn't matter to me (good for them that it's coming out on Playstation 3, but I don't have one, so meh). But after watching some videos of people trying out the new abilities and puzzle pieces, holy cow, am I excited.

Here's a video from G4. Pay attention to what the talking heads have to say, but especially pay attention to what the video is showing.



What has me interested is the co-op play. I've never really done that before, but I have a few people in mind that I'll be arm-twisting in 2011 when this thing goes gold, especially since it'll be releasing for Macs as well.

The New Space Opera 2

This one took me a while.

I don't actually remember when I started reading The New Space Opera 2. It had to be at least two weeks ago. For some reason, I struggled to get through these stories. Part of the reason is because most of these stories were dense. Or maybe that was me. Either way, I couldn't make heads or tails of some of these stories. They were clever, they were artistic, and they expanded my knowledge of contemporary sci-fi (all good things). But I just couldn't wrap my head around what some of the stories were about or what happened in them.

There were a few stand-outs, though, stories that made reading this book worthwhile. The Island by Peter Watts, The Lost Princess Man by John Barnes, The Tale of the Wicked by John Scalzi. Catastrophe Baker and A Canticle for Leibowitz. And especially Chameleons by Elizabeth Moon. That one was the best of the bunch, so far as I was concerned.

Anyway, on to more books now that I've conquered this one.

The Sims 3: Ambitions

I am an absolute sucker for Sims games. I've been playing them since the original and I've purchased just about every expansion they've put out, whether they're good or not. A few months ago, I learned that they were released a new one for The Sims 3, which would be called Ambitions. This time, the Sims get a bunch of new skills to learn along with new "jobs."

Apparently some players were upset that they couldn't follow their Sims to work. Well, never fear, now you can. This expansion adds new "professions" your Sims can take on. Your Sim can become a fire fighter, a private investigator, a fashion designer, a ghost hunter, or they can register as "self-employed" and pursue a hobby like writing, painting, sculpting, or inventing as a career (the latter two are new additions).

In the interest of fairness, I haven't played all the professions yet. But I have dabbled with the investigator profession, I had a Sim named Clarissa work her way to the top of the fashion career, and another Sim named Ezekiel just mastered the inventing skill. I suspect that the other new professions are similar to the ones I've played.

So let's talk the fashion profession. When Clarissa joined it, she was given a portfolio (an item that looks suspiciously like an iPad) and she could either go to a salon and wait for customers to arrive or you can go out on missions. The Sims in town would want new looks ranging from the simple (new shoes or facial hair) to complete makeovers (multiple sets of clothing, new hairstyles, new makeup). The more missions you complete, the more money you make and the more experience you receive. More experience leads to promotions which leads to "bigger" challenges.

The same thing was true for the private investigator profession. You could visit the police station to do low level work for a little bit of money, or you could go on jobs to investigate crimes around town.

I have to be honest, I'm not a fan of the new professions idea. I get that it can be boring to wait for a Sim while he or she is at work. You have to accelerate time and watch their house just sit there. But what if you have a house with multiple Sims? Clarissa lived in a house with her husband and brother-in-law, who often stayed at home while she was out at styling jobs. I had to constantly shuffle back and forth between the three of them to make sure everyone was doing what they needed to.

I've also stumbled on what can only be described as a glitch with Clarissa. As a stylist, she received a weekly stipend for her work on top of the money she earned from each individual job. She recently retired and her pension is 5,000 simoleans a day. Compare that to her husband, who retired at the top of the culinary career. He receives about 200 simoleans a day. I think that will probably be fixed in a patch, I'm guessing.

On to the new skills. Sims can now sculpt in various media (clay, wood, ice, metal) and they can also invent, taking scrap they find in the garbage or at a new dump community lot and craft them into little widgets, toys, or inventions. The widgets are just decoration, items that sit there and do nothing. The toys, I guess, can be played with by kids (although I haven't tried that yet). The inventions are kind of fun. There are five of them: the floor hygienator, the collector, the miner, the time machine, and the Simbot. The hygienator is a strip your Sims walk over. When they do, they can be blasted with scent that can either improve their mood or sicken them. The miner is a big drill that can dig up scrap, weird objects, or minerals or gems. The time machines allow your Sims to go on adventures in time (you don't go with them).

The Collector is kind of fun. It's a little vacuum that sucks up objects in the area, useful for both collecting scrap at the dump and for gardening. Observe:



I have yet to build a Simbot. You have to gather certain items and I only have one.

Overall, this expansion is a good addition to the game. While I'm not crazy about the new professions from a micromanagement standpoint, it will be fun to explore the other options (although I don't know if I'll be going back to "stylist" any time soon). The inventing skill is funny and a blast (quite literally; you get to blow stuff up to collect scrap). So if you're a Sims player like me, make sure you pick this one up.

Minnesota Gurls

In the interest of fairness, I have heard only a little snippet of the song on which the following video is based. That being said, I like this version better. It's true, and I'm not just saying that because I married the best of the bunch. At any rate, enjoy.

This Drummer . . .

. . . really enjoys his work. Good to see!

Wordcount Wednesday

Over the past week, I pulled out the manuscript for Failstate and did a read-through. There was a lot of red ink spilled on those pages. And I confronted the horrific structural problems. As I learned last week, I apparently thought that a week had eight days at some point during the first draft. What made matters worse was the fact that to make everything fit, I really do need an eight day week.

Okay, so that's an exaggeration. I think I have it all figured out now. I hope, anyway. And tonight, I was able to tackle the first six chapters. And it was there that I hit my next snag.

I had hoped that this book would ultimately be only 80,000 words long. When I finished the first draft, it weighed in at approximately 110,000 words. So I hoped that I'd be able to axe 40,000 words along the way.

I don't think that's going to be feasible. I did slash one subplot which might bring me down 10,000 words. Maybe.

Weird thing is, the first two chapters actually grew in the rewrite. Not by much, just a couple hundred words, but still, it spooked me a little. And with good reason. I just did the math. The original six chapters were 10,080 words long. Now they're 10,241 words long. If this trend continues, my book will eventually have its own gravity well, strong enough to create a singularity that will swallow the Earth!

Ahem. Sorry. Maybe that's a bit dramatic, but I'm in that kind of mood. We'll see how the next couple of days go. I might have to pull out the scalpel and cut deeper and honestly, I'm not sure what would have to go then.

A Glee-full Adoption

So last night was the season finale of Glee, an episode appropriately entitled "Journey." And for many, it was a tear-jerker, what with Regionals and a new life coming into the world.

But for me, this episode was another in a long stream of episodes that show me that the Glee writers don't have the first clue about adoption. And since Godzilla has made his appearance, I'm assuming that anyone reading this post okay with me pulling out some spoilers and discussing why I'm so frustrated with this show's bizarre views of human reproduction and, more specifically, the adoption process.

During last night's episode, Quinn wound up giving birth during the middle of the Regionals competition. That scene, in and of itself, intercut with Vocal Adrenaline performing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, was both clever and cringe-inducing. The overlay of the song with Quinn in labor made me chuckle, especially when Quinn started shouting song lyrics in the midst of her pain. But the idea that her labor would last the length of the song (given the fact that the entire ensemble of New Direction were in the waiting room but were then able to make it back in time for the award ceremony) was a bit ridiculous.

But in many ways, Quinn's labor was great because it means that one of the most ridiculous TV-show pregnancies ever is done with. Quinn's pregnancy on this show has been bizarre to say the least. Her "baby bump" kept disappearing for musical numbers and, I must say, Quinn was pretty spry in the dance numbers for someone supposedly eight months pregnant. Yes, I know, I need to suspend my disbelief, but there are times when my disbelief was rattling its chains pretty hard over the past season when Quinn and her retractable womb made an appearance.

What's been most frustrating for me, though, is the completely clueless nature of the Glee writers when it comes to the adoption process. Now, granted, I'm more familiar with Minnesota adoption laws but I find it hard to believe that Ohio is so radically different.

Let's start with how the adoption process got started: Terri, Will Schuster's shrieking harridan of a wife, has a "hysterical pregnancy" and needs a baby to hold her crumbling marriage together. The whole fake pregnancy storyline was cringe-worthy at the beginning of the season, but made more so from the fact that nobody seemed to consider the legal ramifications of what Terri was planning. What about a home study? What about a court appearance to make the adoption, you know, legal? Finn would have to sign off on the placement as well as the supposed birthfather, something nobody seemed to consider. I was so relieved when Will found out that Terri was faking because I thought that meant that the ridiculous adoption storyline was over.

But no! Last night's episode came up with something just as silly. Rachel tries to reconnect with her birthmother, Vocal Adrenaline's coach Shelby Corcoran (played by Idina Menzel). She suggests that they need each other. Shelby rejects that idea, saying that she's been thinking lately about starting a family of her own. When she hears that Quinn has given birth, she just saunters over to the hospital and, next thing you know, she's a happy mother with a newborn baby named Beth.

Now parts of this aren't completely out of the realm of possibility. Quinn could have picked Shelby and decided that baby Beth could be placed with her. An adoption agency would have stepped in at that point. But what set me off was the fact that, at the end of the episode, a hospital nurse commented that all the adoption paperwork is finished.

Um, no. It takes hours to get through the paperwork. It takes hours for the home study to be done. This is not something that you can complete that quickly.

Ken Tucker over at Entertainment Weekly expressed his discomfort with this plotline as well, but for different reasons. He didn't like the fact that Shelby Corcoran rejected Rachel only to swoon over a little baby. I don't have a problem with that part. What bothers me is a bit more complicated and has to do with the overall negative portrayal of adoptive parents.

Speaking as an adoptive father (and one who is currently going through the process a second time), I am grateful that Glee chose to show adoption in a somewhat favorable light. I am. They could have easily gone the "teenage mother" route with Quinn and Beth. That they decided to highlight the fact that adoption is a viable alternative is wonderful. But let's consider the quality of parents Quinn had to choose from.

On the one hand, you have Terri, a crazy person who is best forgotten. On the other, you have Shelby, who I don't think really thought through what adopting a newborn entails, who seems to have been given the baby on a whim, and who apparently has access to a time acceleration machine.

Don't get me wrong. I'm complaining about this so much because I actually like this show. I love the musical numbers ("Safety Dance" is still one of my faves). I absolutely adore Sue Sylvester as a character. I just wish the writers had done a better job with this storyline simply because, for me, it hits so close to home.

Mosab Hassan Yousef may be deported

About two months ago, I reviewed Son of Hamas, the autobiography of Mosab Hassan Yousef. He is the son of one of the founds of Hamas who has moved to the United States and is a Christian. Well, earlier today, I spotted this news item on Facebook. Yousef is facing a deportation hearing later this month.

I don't know about you, but that has me a little upset. The afore-linked-to article has this gem from Yousef's blog:

It began when I arrived in America January 2, 2007. I walked into the airport like anyone else on a tourist visa. Seven months later, I went to the Homeland Security office, knocked on their door and told them, “Hey, guys, I am the son of Sheikh Hassan Yousef, my father is involved in a terrorist organization, and I would like political asylum in your country.” They were shocked. They didn’t expect it. I told them, hey, you didn’t discover me. You didn’t catch me. I came to you and told you who I am to wake you up. I wanted them to see that they have huge gaps in their security and their understanding of terrorism and make changes before it’s too late. I filed an application for political asylum. Not surprisingly, on February 23, 2009, they told me that I was “barred from a grant of asylum because there were reasonable grounds for believing [I] was a danger to the security of the United States and because [I] engaged in terrorist activity.”

So a man who admits that he used to belong to a terrorist organization (and who has since renounced his ties) and seeks asylum in our country can't be given asylum because he used to belong to a terrorist organization. Great circular logic there.

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking I'm going to give the Department of Homeland Security a call. As near as I can tell, the best way to do that is via the phone. Their comment line is 202-282-8495.

Wordcount Wednesday

So yeah. I've been lazy with my writing this month. Really lazy. After finishing Failstate at the end of April, I had every intention of doing some major editing work on Return of the Mourning Dove and The Escape, two books that I haven't touched in close to a year. But first I was going to take a day or two off. Well, that "day or two" turned into 31 days off. I haven't done any writing or any writing related activities since the end of April.

Mea culpa.

I intended to be good! As a matter of fact, a week ago, I got out a TV tray and set out my draft of Mourning Dove, hoping that the sight of it would motivate me. It did not.

Mea culpa.

I even came up with three necessary scenes that would make Mourning Dove a little better. Well, more like two snippets and a scene, to help explain the motivation of Airell, the main character. I actually mustered some excitement to get cracking and get into it, but when I opened the first chapter, I couldn't bring myself to read more than the first sentence before I decided it would be better to play a video game or watch TV or something.

Mea maxima culpa.

What was truly maddening, though, was that my thoughts kept drifting back to Failstate. I would have gladly pulled it off the shelf and started in on it a week ago, but I always leave a first draft alone for at least a month before starting in on it. I wanted to break my own rule so badly!

But I'm in June now and, after thinking about it, I decided to shelve Mourning Dove once again. Tonight I pulled out the manuscript for Failstate and started laying the ground work for my first rewrite.

First things first: the structure. As I've commented before, the structure for this book was a mess. At least three scenes wound up in the "wrong" place in terms of story and will have to be moved. I knew that from writing the draft; the real question was how everything would fit together.

So I did something I've never really done before. I made a timeline of the story:

I wrote chapter numbers and a one or two word summary of each scene on small Post-It notes and then affixed them two a four week timeline. I figured this would allow me to shuffle them around as needed. In doing this, I learned some interesting things. For example, I apparently thought that a week had eight days in it. You'd think I'd know better, but that first full week there had eight days worth of events crammed into it. I think I must have figured out the chronology a bit better after that point, because the second full week worked a lot better.

Once I had that done, I set that timeline aside and created an even larger one. Then I went through, scene by scene, and put them in what I think is the "correct" order.

This actually proved to be more challenging than I thought it would be. It turns out I have an "orphaned" scene. Trying to shuffle the eight day week into a normal seven day week, one that followed the schedule I developed later in the book, meant that a fairly important happenstance suddenly didn't have a home. I think I have it figured out. I think. But I'm not entirely happy with it. I'm not sure I like it; it might turn out too rushed. But we'll have to see.

So this next week, I'll be physically moving the pages within the actual manuscript and then it'll be red-pen time. As of right now, Failstate clocks in at 111,885 words. That has to change. The number must come down. And with any luck, it will.

Patterns of Force

The other day at the library, I spotted Patterns of Force by Michael Reaves and decided that since I had read the first two books in his Coruscant Nights series, I might as well cap it all off and see how everything turned out for Jedi Jax Pavan and his motley band of misfits.

It took me a little while to reacquaint myself with the characters in the book. It has been about a year and a half since I read the previous two books, so it took me a little while to recalibrate myself. But once I had, I was in the thick of it again.

Jax Pavan, one of the only survivors of Order 66, has spent several years working in the lowest levels of Coruscant, doing his best to keep going even though the Empire is hunting him. He has a bunch of things the Empire wants, from a Sith holocron to a chunk of some weird metal and a drug that boosts a person's connection to the Force. To make matters worse, he's now picked up a stray. There's an incredibly talented Force-adept loose and it's up to Jax to bring the kid to safety.

In many ways, Reaves was trying to create a sort of noir Star Wars novel. Pavan is working as a private investigator of sorts. There's all sorts of plots and counterplots, some hard-boiled romance and the like. His writing is fine and evocative. I think he did a decent job overall. But there were a number of places where the book fell down.

For one thing, Reaves stitched up the endings of the both this book and the overall series in the last twenty pages or so. All at once, things are done and wrapped up neatly. It didn't strike me as all that well done.

And for another, Reaves cannot capture the voice of Darth Vader for anything. It's awful. He has Darth Vader laughing. LAUGHING! I'm sorry, but the Dark Lord of the Sith should not laugh. I can't think of a moment where he even came close in any of the movies. Every time Vader spoke in this book, I winced because it didn't ring true.

This isn't a problem that only Reaves has to contend with. I've yet to see anyone capture Darth Vader's voice well, so I'd suggest that all future Star Wars authors adhere to a strict moratorium on Vader. If he shows up, he's got laryngitis. I mean, dude was burned by lava, right? He's gotta have off days with his vocal chords.

So overall, it was a decent book. Nothing spectacular, but then, I didn't expect it to be. Just some good "junk food" fiction.